I identify as male and as some of you might already know, men are ‘supposed’ to have muscular bodies. And because I was skinny, I was routinely bullied. The bullying was so bad that I was also advised to put on weight while being subjected to offensive comments. This constant barrage of comments and unsolicited advice (disguised as good advice) adversely affected my psyche.

I still chase this constant feeling that the body I have isn't correct and would only rightfully be loved and cherished once I lose weight and fit into the ‘perfect body’.

I turned to the only thing I had control of— Food. With the ease of food delivery services , there I had access to food 24x7 without ever leaving home. I would order large amounts of food, almost every night. Then, with a sudden feeling of guilt washing over me, I would force myself to throw up. This was a vicious cycle.

I am constantly thinking about what I am eating, in good and a bad way. Its exhausting to think about it all the time. For someone who doesn’t know what an eating disorder is, it’s not as simple as being disciplined about your food. It’s a lot more. It’s connected to a lot of other mental health issues as well. A person might look at me and be like oh you’re so fit but internally I’m thinking I'm the most unhealthy person ever. It’s internal. You look at yourself and you can’t see what you truly look like, those lines get blurry.